Tuesday, December 7, 2010
double standards
I was watching a sitcom the other day and it was the stereotypical scene of the Father in the living room on the couch and the Mother in the kitchen. I hear so often the comments that "It's my day off" or "I need some down time" as excuses while men watch TV or video games. I understand the need for some down time and I don't blame them for that, but I can't help but wonder: when is my day off? There is never a day off from dishes, or laundry or cooking. There is never a day off from children. I love my daughter and I am fine with cleaning, but sometimes it would be nice to have a break. Why is it that women spend their free time cleaning or cooking while men get to their spend their free time playing? And then when we finally get a few moments to get out of the house or spend time with a friend, women often feel like children who can only go out after making sure their chores are done. Even the greatest men who view their wives as equal are often subject to this double standard. Has anyone seen this in their own life or the lives of others? Is it okay? Any ideas on how we can remedy this?
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I definitely agree with you, but in a way I think a lot of women put themselves into this stereotype. Too often do I hear "I have to make the dinner" or "gotta go do the dishes". We women put ourselves in these situations; making the men think it's OK to be lazy or have down time. Seeing as how I am not married and haven't been faced with this problem yet, these are just ideas. But I think it might be a good idea for women to make the chore chart or have a chore rotation going. Hopefully by doing this it will help them out of this typical stereotype and give them the down-time we all desire. Just a thought. . .
ReplyDeleteHey Michelle! Nice blog! My thoughts on this are: since I am a stay at home mommy and wife my home is my responsibility a bit more than it is Davids. The proverbs wife and titus 2 wife is my role model and even though I fail sometimes I strive to make our home a sanctuary. A restful and relaxing place where my hard working man can come home to and feel cozy, loved and appreciated. At the same time, on his days off he sometimes does dishes, vacuums, folds laundry or even does all of Haydens laundry. And you know David, I didn't force him to be this way, his love language is acts of service so its natural for him. But when we were in premarriage counseling we went through this "quiz" and talked about the practical aspects of marriage. Who takes out the garbage (him) who cleans this and that and just decided that there isn't anything he shouldn't expect to never do. I take on the full time responsibility but am free to ask for help any time I feel I need it, and I know I shouldn't feel bad or like I'm failing my job as a home maker. Its all about expectations and I think its so good to lay out the fundamentals before marriage or at least in the beginning stages. I have a friend whos husband said in the beginning "women do all inside chores". He won't even put his dirty laundry in a basket, he just leaves messes everywhere for her to pick up, even though she is working. He made that clear at the very beginning and she accepted it, now she has to live with what she accepted and find ways to keep her house clean with careless muddy boots tromping everywhere expecting to be cleaned up after. I don't think its right, but she said okay in the beginning so why would it be fair to ask him to do something he already said he didn't want to do? Expectations and honesty from the start! Also, we don't have cable and really are not big video game fans so that stereotype is not applicable to us :)
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